Got the credit card blues? Here's a path of self-compassion to cancel next year’s Christmas spending stress
Cancel culture has finally caught up with this year’s Christmas column—and I’m the one doing the canceling. Let me explain why.
Not long ago my editor said, “We need a Christmas column,” and before I could answer, she added, “but not about Scrooge.” Fair enough. As the co-author of The Financial Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge, I’ve often written this time of year about the transformation of Dickens’s miserable miser.
But I can’t bring myself to write another column urging people to follow guidance we all know is sensible—and know most of us won’t follow. “Make a list and stick to it. Set a budget. Avoid credit cards. Give homemade gifts. Remember the reason for the season.”
While there’s nothing wrong with this advice, it skims over the deeper forces at play in December. Holiday overspending doesn’t happen because we’ve forgotten how to add. It happens because we’re human. Giving feels good. Buying gifts can soften guilt, ease loneliness, or reassure us that we’re doing okay. Somewhere inside, a part of us hopes that a wrapped gift can create love, belonging, calm, or connection—even if only for a moment.
Most of our holiday money decisions are driven by internal parts of us that become especially active this time of year. A spending part wants to recreate a glowing childhood Christmas. A pleasing part worries that the wrong gift will disappoint someone. A lonely part hopes generosity will forge connection. And, of course, the critical part waits in the wings for the credit card bill. No budget stands a chance when these parts jump into the driver’s seat.
Our best strategy to open the door for better choices is to notice these parts. So instead of the traditional holiday advice, here are a few suggestions for this season.
1. Spend with awareness, not avoidance. If you’re going to splurge, do it consciously. Notice what’s happening inside as you hover over the checkout button. Are you trying to create happiness? Silence worry? Fill an old emotional gap? Awareness might not change the purchase, but it will change your relationship to it as you move from autopilot to leadership.
2. After the gifts are given, offer presence and attention. Most of our favorite holiday memories don’t come from what we unwrapped. They come from people who were fully with us. Listening deeply rarely shows up on a credit card bill, but it has a way of lingering far longer than any gift.
3. Forgive yourself for another year of well-intentioned, unconscious spending. By the time most Christmas columns appear, the damage is already done. The gifts are bought, the credit card is warm to the touch, and a faint sense of “I did it again” starts to settle in. So treat yourself kindly. Shame is not an effective financial strategy. Forgiveness, oddly enough, leads to more responsible behavior than self-criticism ever does.
4. Ask what your spending was trying to say. Every purchase carries a message—perhaps joy, fear, longing, or hope. When you get curious about the story behind a purchase, you discover which part of you wanted it, and why.
Instead of repeating standard advice about budgets, credit cards, and planning ahead for next year, my holiday wish is that you give yourself the gift of curiosity and awareness. Explore what you’re feeling, what you’re hoping for, and what you were trying to create with your spending. When you understand the emotional drivers behind your holiday money decisions, you gain a kind of financial clarity that lasts long after the wrapping paper is gone. And what you just might cancel is a lot of financial stress.
Rick Kahler, CFP, is a fee-only financial planner and financial therapist with a nationwide practice, Kahler Financial Group, based in Rapid City. His co-authored books include “Coupleship Inc.” and “The Financial Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge.”
The information provided is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as investment advice. The views expressed are subject to change based on market or economic conditions. Past performance is not indicative of future results. Any reference to potential benefits is illustrative and may not apply to your individual circumstances. You should consult with your financial adviser before making any investment decisions. KFG, LLC is an SEC-registered Investment Adviser.
Photo: public domain, wikimedia commons
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