South Dakota humorist Dorothy Rosby discusses the great cycle of stuff that needs to go — and an idea for a new reality show.
If you’re ever tasked with cleaning out your parents’ home, I can almost guarantee that as you’re working, you’ll be repeating the following mantra: “I will never do this to my children. I will never do this to my children.” And while you’re chanting, you’ll be filling boxes with everything you want to keep.
I can also guarantee that one day your kids will have to sort through it, along with your other belongings, all the while saying, “I will never do this to my children. I will never do this to my children.”
It’s the great cycle of life—or the cycle of stuff. And not so long ago, I was caught up in it myself. I’m grateful my parents weren’t exactly collectors. But neither were they disposers. It’s a fine distinction. They didn’t buy what they didn’t need, but they didn’t get rid of what they no longer needed either. And they had an amazing talent for fitting a lot into a small home. The fact that they raised ten children in a three-bedroom house should give you some indication of just how good they were at it. I have some advice for you if you’re facing this daunting project.
First put together a team of people with a variety of talents to help you. Just make sure they’re all on speaking terms. No sense in coming to blows over the family treasures, some of which might be breakable. Fortunately, my siblings and I get along wonderfully. It’s something you learn to do when there’s ten of you packed into a three-bedroom house. Or maybe it’s sharing the one bathroom that does it.
If you’re lucky, you’ll have one team member who is extremely organized. We did, and it wasn’t me. You should also have someone who is strong and willing to carry boxes. We did, and that wasn’t me either.
There should be a nice balance of sentimentality and practicality in your group. You don’t want anyone tossing your grandmother’s nearly 100-year-old wedding dress. But you don’t want to save all the old Christmas cards and baby teeth either. Actually we didn’t find any baby teeth. My mom couldn’t be sentimental about those when there were so many of them.
Finally, it might be helpful to have a team member with practical knowledge about the value of heirlooms. They can reassure any regular viewers of American Pickers you have in your group that you aren’t discarding anything worth millions.
We didn’t have an expert on heirlooms in our group but that wasn’t a problem. The bigger the family, the less the likelihood of there being anything valuable in the home. Large families tend to spend their money on more important things, like groceries, for example. You can have a lot of money or you can have a lot of children. You can’t have both—unless you have your own reality show. And now that I think about it, cleaning out the family home might make a good one. I can’t believe no one has thought of it yet.
Once you have your team, work together to identify organizations and individuals who may want your castoffs. It’s hard to part with things that have been in the family for decades, even if you don’t need them. You’ll feel better about it if you can give them away to someone else who doesn’t need them either.
And finally be prepared to pass the buck. You’re bound to come across some items you’ve done without for years, even forgot existed, but one look and you won’t be able to discard them. So don’t. My mother kept much of our childhood artwork as well as every dumb thing we ever made for her. And when you have ten children, that’s a lot of dumb things. We couldn’t bring ourselves to dispose of it all. So we sorted it into boxes, one for each sibling. They can throw it away themselves if they want to. Or their kids can.
Dorothy Rosby is the author of ’Tis the Season to Feel Inadequate; Holidays, Special Occasions and Other Times Our Celebrations Get Out of Hand and other books. Contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.
Photo: public domain, wikimedia commons
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