South Dakota humorist Dorothy Rosby is proud of the perfect score she earned at the blood bank. She got an A+
I had selfish motives the first time I donated blood. I was just out of college and searching for full-time employment. I would have been living on Ramen noodles except I hadn’t heard of them yet. As it was, my diet consisted mainly of popcorn and grocery store samples.
I definitely didn’t have an entertainment budget. So I was excited when I learned that the sponsor of a particular blood drive was giving away free movie tickets as an incentive. I’m your basic chicken so I was naturally apprehensive. But I really wanted to see the movie. If my memory is correct, and there’s no guarantee of that, it was E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. And I figured if the tickets were free, maybe I could afford popcorn too. You know, dinner and a movie. So I rolled up my sleeve.
I like to say I got a perfect grade on my paperwork that first time. I know that’s not what blood bank folks mean by A+ but I still like to say it.
And I’m proud to report I recently achieved another perfect score at the blood bank: 100! Not 100 percent though. No, I have now given 100 pints of blood at Vitalant in Rapid City where I currently donate. I don’t know how many pints I donated before I started there, but I do know I got an A+ on every one of them. You stick with things you’re so good at.
I haven’t received any more movie tickets for giving blood, but I have gotten some really cool T-shirts over the years. And I also get a free mini checkup every time I donate. The fine people at Vitalant check my pulse, blood pressure, temperature and hemoglobin level and I don’t even have to involve my insurance company.
Best of all, giving blood is the only volunteer activity I know of where I get to sit in a recliner and read a book or stare at my phone for the duration.
After I finish donating, the phlebotomist always tells me to take it easy and avoid doing anything strenuous for the rest of the day. I probably wasn’t going to anyway. But I like to think they’ve pegged me as the type who’d go jogging or rock climbing later if they didn’t tell me not to.
They also always say I should make my next meal a good one. I take that to mean I should eat out. And anyway, I find cooking strenuous.
They also encourage me to rest for as long as I’d like in their comfy waiting area and to help myself to the snacks they provide for us donors to replenish our electrolytes with. I’ve whiled away many an afternoon just lounging there, replenishing my electrolytes with corn chips. There are so few volunteer opportunities where you get to do that. Too few really.
It may sound to you like I’m still donating blood for purely selfish reasons. But that’s not true. I believe we should all do what we can. Some people have money to give. Some people have talents to share. And some people have time to volunteer. If that’s you I have some laundry you could do.
What I have plenty of is blood. In fact, I have around a gallon of it, which is way more than I have of time, talent or money. Plus I can always make more. Based on my scores at the blood bank, I’m really good at it.
Dorothy Rosby is an author and humor columnist whose work appears regularly in publications in the West and Midwest. You can subscribe to her blog at www.dorothyrosby.com or contact at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.
Photo: public domain, wikimedia commons
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