Give kids some breathing room, let them get out and enjoy life
Our 10-year-old was biking on the far edge of the street (because we taught her, “sidewalks are for pedestrians.”) A woman rolled down her car window and asked, “Where are your parents?” and then, “You should get out of the road!”
My daughter came home confused and upset.
Next summer (age 11) she attended a day-camp but wasn’t allowed to bike there. Even though we lived 10 minutes away. Parents were required to sign kids in and out. A few months later she was asked to leave the Rapid City Public Library — not for any behavior issue but because of her age. As the board chair of the library, I was extremely embarrassed about that one.
The “tween” ages is hard to navigate. At 10, she was allowed to go to Rapid City public pools without us. And she had a blast swimming with friends (thank you, lifeguards!). But for the library, it’s only 12 and older kids who can enter unchaperoned.
In March 2024, the Uptown Rapid mall banned individuals under the age of 18 if they were not accompanied by an adult. I thought wistfully of my middle/high school days drinking Orange Julius and browsing Claire’s with friends before catching a matinee at the theater. Those were the days.
Recently I experienced a “final straw” moment reading a Facebook post from Storybook Island in Rapid City. They posted: “PSA: All children need to be accompanied by an adult. Please do not send your children into Storybook Island unattended.”
In a comment the park clarified, “A few pairs of children ages 7-10ish have been entering the park without their parents this past week. We would like families to experience the park together or at least have adult supervision. We have no reason to suspect neglect or abuse.”
I’m so depressed that our first thought seeing kids playing alone at a park is: “Must be neglect.” Ages 7-10 at a park can be developmentally appropriate depending on the kids! When you see a younger child alone, don’t assume the worst. Maybe Storybook Island is just a stone’s throw from their house? Maybe they have a cell phone for emergencies?
Let’s acknowledge there is a lot of room between “wild neglect” and “kids being kids in appropriate environments.” I responded to the post and asked if my 12-year-old could come alone and was told: “We prefer that they are with an adult.” Never mind that in two years this kid could DRIVE to the park.
There are mountains of research discussing the importance of kids learning autonomy. We claim to want kids off screens, and we complain that the younger generation “doesn’t know how to act in public.” Perhaps because we sequester them from their community and express discomfort when they exist without a parent helicopter-ing nearby?
And yes, my husband and I LOVE having experiences WITH our children. As a family we’ve been to Storybook Island together hundreds of times. But I am PROUD my (almost) teenager wants to have experiences on her own, or with her friends, or just her and her sister. Summer is the perfect time to send kids on these adventures.
Read the book “The Anxious Generation” — it suggests kids that age (and younger) should ride public transit alone, purchase groceries, run errands, make a family dinner, etc.
And PSA from this mom: If kids are acting out, send them home! This is what we do with unruly adults! We could also attempt to redirect them. I have “public-parented” unsupervised kids at the park many times: “No thank you! Let’s not throw rocks, OK?”
Can we please exercise common sense and be a village — just a bit?
If you suspect a child is scared or there is abuse/neglect, OF COURSE call the authorities! But it’s far more likely these kids are just existing in public — yes, even without a parent!
It happens.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I do NOT believe my children belong everywhere! Adult-only spaces are wonderful and necessary, and I don’t believe in making a business my babysitter. Allow your child freedom only if you firmly believe they are mature enough to handle it. Recognize that children’s ability can vary wildly even at the same age. Use baby steps and thoughtful judgment when you encourage your kids to start exploring their independence.
I would argue one of the hardest parts of growing up is the THOUSANDS of times you must practice “flying the nest” even before you graduate and move out. Parents cannot (and should not!) hold their kid’s hands everywhere they go until they’re 18 years old.
None of us will appreciate the society created with that kind of disastrous hovering.
Well-behaved kids belong in more places than we think. Let them be!
Emily Tupa of Rapid City is a wife and mom of two girls (ages 12 and 6). She is a Realtor and serves as board chair of the Rapid City Public Library as well as the secretary for the Children's House Montessori Board. She graduated from the University of North Dakota in 2006 and has lived in the Black Hills since 2012.
Photo: public domain, wikimedia commons
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