Oh, we know you, Kristi Noem. Your ambition is relentless, but your accomplishments? Not so much
Yes, we know you, Kristi Noem.
We know about your overwhelming ambition. It has driven you to great acclaim and success.
Accomplishments?
Not so much.
But, we know you.
We know you are willing to embrace the worst of Donald Trump and his MAGA movement, all to help you advance and rise in Republican circles.
So far, it has paid off. You went from a two-term legislator from obscure Hamlin County to a four-term member of Congress to being elected governor twice.
You’ve never lost an election. You’re the most successful woman in South Dakota political history, and one of the most successful politicians in state history, period.
We’ve gotten to know you quite well in the last 15 years.
We learned about your disdain for traffic rules. During the 2010 campaign for South Dakota’s congressional seat, it was revealed you had a lengthy history of driving offenses, including a pair of arrest warrants issued because you failed to appear in court.
Laws? Those are for the little people.
We’ve learned you are willing to attack your opponents and any prominent Democrat if you gained politically. In 2010 and 2012, it seemed as if you were running against Nancy Pelosi, the longtime speaker of the House from San Francisco.
What Pelosi had to do with South Dakota and how our representative would vote in Congress was never clear. But, neither was it the point.
It was a way to stir up the folks who got their information and fueled their hate with daily doses of Rush Limbaugh and other merchants of venom. The words that were used were a signal, a way to convey your distrust and anger with anyone who might be different than a woman in a scuffed-up seed cap driving a pickup.
Yes, we grew to know exactly who you were.
We saw your thirst for power and prominence come to the surface in 2016, when you announced immediately after winning a fourth term in Congress that you would run for governor in 2018.
It wasn’t about you accomplishing anything as a U.S. representative — go ahead, name one meaningful bill with your name on it. As always, it was about you.
Once elected, you immediately showed you viewed being governor as a way to promote yourself. Your face and name were featured in ads supposedly promoting South Dakota, but were actually about you trying to make a dent in national polls. We knew that from the start.
We knew you quite well by that point.
Some of your actions were hard to fathom. Why were we wasting thousands of dollars on the “Meth: We’re on it” campaign? Did we feel a need to provide fodder for comedians?
You can stop at any point. They’ve been well supplied.
Why the constant friction with the Native American tribes? You alienated them so much, you were banished from all nine reservations. You accused tribal leaders, without providing a shred of evidence, of being in league with drug cartels.
That gave us more than enough information on who you really were.
You have cast doubts about Trump at times, but once it was obvious that most Republicans loved his brand of vicious, uninformed and bizarre politics, you rushed to his side.
In 2020, you were mentioned as a possible running mate, and you responded by having a bust made that depicted his face attached to Mount Rushmore. Not exactly subtle.
But we know that’s not your style.
After Joe Biden soundly defeated Trump in 2020 — it was not close in any way — you at first refused to accept the results. Why? Because you sought to gain influence with people who just wouldn’t accept reality.
You hoped he might pick you as his VP candidate in 2024, but you made a mess of that. Your stunning revelation that you had killed a puppy and a goat, apparently intended to display your toughness and willingness to “make a hard decision,” instead opened you up for national ridicule. The lies about meeting North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un just added to the absurdity.
Trump dropped you from his list and you were stuck in Pierre. Even having a $75,000 TV studio built for your use and placing a $462,000 fence around the governor’s residence wasn’t enough to keep you there.
Most legislators, Republican and Democrat, were glad to see you go.
You made repeated trips to the U.S.-Mexican border, and sent the South Dakota National Guard there several times. Why? Because it drew publicity, and also gained Trump’s attention.
He knew who you were, and recognized a fellow hustler.
Did you send in the Guard to help South Dakotans struggling with flooding in 2024? Were you even in the state and on top of the crisis?
No, of course not. We knew to expect that.
Now, you’re in the cabinet. Kristi Noem from Hazel, South Dakota, has risen to national power. As secretary of Homeland Security, you control a multi-billion-dollar budget and oversee several powerful agencies. Yes, we have a hard time believing it, too.
What have you done with this power?
Dressed up a lot and posed for cameras. You’ve earned the nickname “Cosplay Kristi.” But as long as they mention your name, right?
You have made it clear you don’t grasp basic constitutional rights. No, Kristi, habeas corpus is not about allowing Trump to throw people out of the country if he wishes.
“Habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country,” you said during a Senate hearing on May 20.
Not even close. Didn’t you study that in one of the colleges you attended before you “earned” a degree at SDSU?
Days after Dakota State University invited you to speak at its spring commencement and gave you an honorary degree, you had immigration officers raid a pair of businesses in Madison, arresting people who were merely working and caring for their families.
A family told Dakota News Now that Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents illegally entered their home without a warrant. Is that your style of justice? Is that adhering to the law?
To top things off, you’re using official channels to toss off a grade-school insult. A lawsuit filed by 10 people — yes, people, Kristi — opposing an order sending migrants to Guantánamo Bay was dismissed.
You posted the court order, adding two words: “Suck it.”
Seriously. This actually occurred. It is a reminder of the gutter level of political discourse and government we are experiencing.
We know you, Kristi Noem. And we know it will only get worse.
Fourth-generation South Dakotan Tom Lawrence has written for several newspapers and websites in South Dakota and other states for four decades. He has contributed to The New York Times, NPR, The London Telegraph, The Daily Beast and other media outlets. Do not republish without permission.
Photo: public domain, wikimedia commons
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